Beavermoon Aftermath
November 14th, 2019
David Lewis, in association with Nightly North Shore News and WTCH Radio
The Following is a followup to a PSA posted to our podcast
As everybody knows, the full moon is a special time of the month in which many of our friends and family known as the ‘Werefolk’ undergo a brief transformation, turning into a beast of prey for anywhere between one and three nights. The November Moon is an especially fascinating one however, as it is the only time of the year in which the Werebeaver population can fully transform into large mammalian creatures between 1.5 and 2.7 meters in length (5 and 9 feet respectively), with large teeth capable of biting through entire tree trunks with ease.
The November Moon has started to wane, and with it we see the annual transformation of the Werebeavers pass us by. Thankfully, there have been no casualties to report in the city of Salem, Massachusetts, as most of our citizens followed the proper safety precautions and remained out of harm’s way. Unfortunately, there has been some excess flooding in local areas do to the impromptu damming. There have also been reports of buildings on the outskirts of the city being torn down for extra wood, and a not insignificant portion of some local forests have been devoured. Locally, the most extensive dam-based damage has been isolated to Strongwater Brook, North River and Forest River. However just north of us, the East Wing of Bishop Fenwick High School has been submerged by up to 3 feet of water rerouted from Crane River. While this is not a new occurrence, reports are in that parts of the infrastructure have been irreversibly damaged.
A small group of Werebeavers known as the Salem Splinters were found at the base of a large dam, having a small campfire cookout before returning to their daily lives. The dam itself was impressively constructed, reaching over three meters in height, and being held together with all manner of strong wooden objects, as well as an entire 2015 Ford Ranger on the west side.
I met with Allen Caldwell, the self proclaimed “chief architect” (something of a pack leader among Werebeavers), before Essex County Damage Control Unit arrived to tear the dam down. He had yet to find his clothing, but was content to sit down with me, naked in the cold November air with a cup of hot coffee, to talk about the road flooding and what that might mean for work-commutes in the coming days.
“What a work of art! I tell ya, I’ve been changing like this for over 50 years now and I think
this is the best November Dam I’ve ever seen. It’s holding back the whole damn river!” said
Russo, clearly proud of the work he and his pack had done.“It’s certainly impressive. But as I mentioned before, such a prodigious structure like this is
going to be causing a lot of issues for city travel, and possibly damage a lot of local
infrastructure if not properly undone. I understand this annual project is important to you and
your pack, but do you regret not taking precautions to stay away from wooded areas, or
at least keep the project away from the city?”“Ah Hell, people will get over it. They always do. Besides, just look at the craftsmanship of
the thing! I tell ya, [Brian Aurbach, the previous Chief Architect] never coulda organized
something like this!”“Mr. Caldwell, don’t you drive a Ford Pickup to get to work at the farmers market?”
“Kid, I can make due just fine taking back roads while they clean up this beauty. So long as
I get a picture to frame, I don’t rightly see the problem.”“No, I mean I think I see your car being used as a support beam over there.”
“What are you- OH HELL!”
Mr. Caldwell then ran off towards the central bonfire shouting expletives at the rest of the group.
While a bit more extreme than last year’s Beavermoon, damages like this were predicted, and the ESDCU claims to have the situation completely under control. Expect road closures around any running bodies of water, and be sure to look online to find out which areas of your town may have been affected.