Selectively Bred "Super Cattle" Sparks Interest

April 16th, 2020
David Lewis, for the Nightly North Shore News

Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with local Massachusetts farmer Dmitri Gavrill Petrikov about his new breed of “Super Cattle,” showcased at the Frights and Fun Festival this past October. It is not every day that a livestock show makes big enough waves to appear in national news, but we Salemites know how to put on a show! And that skill might finally be paying off as his hard work has apparently attracted some scouts from Demeterian Goods, the largest agribusiness company in North America. 
Seeing Petrikov’s Super Cattle for the first time was an experience I’ll never forget. Babushka, Petrikov’s prized cow, was a staggering seven feet tall with bulging muscles, thick veins, tattoos, stark white skin and a piercing gaze. It was like looking into the eyes of an ancient god of lactation. I think the tattoo was a brand put on Babushka by Petrikov, but it added to the intimidation, for sure. 

Babushka, Petrikov’s prized “Super-Cow”

This humble reporter wasn’t the only one touched by this creature. The rest of the festival-goers were milked for as much wonder as they could give; dazzled to our cores. But for what reason was Babushka raised? Petrikov stated on his blog that the purpose of his Super Cattle is to generate a source of meat with a considerably lower fat content. Given the wildly bizarre appearance of Babushka and several of his pigs, I assumed that we were not getting the whole story. I asked Petrikov what his motives were, curious to see if he had any ulterior motives beyond winning “Most Outlandishly Weird Cow.” 

“Truthfully, I bred this specific cattle entirely on accident. “ He explained

“An accident? All of them?” I asked

“Well no, not this group specifically. But this breed was an accident several years back.” 

“How on Earth did you manage that?”

“It would take quite a while to get into the specifics, but I had been selectively breeding cattle for decades. The rest of the House and I trying to isolate a specific bovine blood group that wasn’t harmful to Vampires”. 

(For those who are not familiar, Petrikov is a member of the House Gavrill, a centuries-old family of vampires living just north of Salem. They are an information-driven family that has been curating scientific knowledge since the 1790s, and for the past hundred or so years, Petrikov has been contributing to the research of DNA and more recently, genetic experimentation.)

He continues:

“Any self-respecting vampire will tell you that Synthetic Blood is barely a substitute for the real thing, you know, so we were trying to discover a natural alternative in cows.”

“Ah I see. So you were looking for a blood mutation?”

“In a sense. In a truer sense, we gene-spliced them, trying to get them to produce blood with a human essence. Instead, however, the new blood reacted with their muscles making an incredibly dense meat which, while not useful to Vampires in the slightest, might be far healthier for Humans!”

Petrikov did not seem hopeful that his cattle would ever be easier to look at, but it appears that the mutation that the Gavrill House was able to isolate is applicable to most livestock. In the weeks following the showing, New England District Manager Debbie Hill, of Demeterian Goods apparently reached out to the Gavrill House offering to employ Salemite farmers to raise a generation of Gavrill Super Cattle for consumer testing. 
When reached for a comment, Petrikov said that he was unsure if he wanted to market his “botched” genetic experiment, but seemed excited at the prospect of boosting local business. 
More tests need to be done to see if Babushka’s meat is safe for humans in the longrun, but it seems likely that we could be seeing her on shelves within the next couple of years. 

"AB Negative" Blood Flavor is reportedly in production

December 8th, 2019
Ewan Taylor, for WTCH Radio 

If sources are to be believed, it would seem that Vampires may finally be getting the long-awaited AB Neg blood substitute. 
Blood is something near and dear to most of us, but especially to Vampires. For decades, companies from all over the planet have been working tirelessly to develop synthetic blood for our Vampire friends and neighbors. In the early days, the primary directive of these companies was to make a substitute for Human blood that would sustain a vampire without them needing to touch a human vein or buy from hospitals. Early experiments included failed attempts to sustain cell division outside the body, and of course the infamous Cattle Blood Cocktails which caused physical mutations in all who drank too much of it.
          Nowadays however, we have developed a synthetic base formula that sustains vampires almost as well as human blood. With this formula at the public's disposal, it became a race to develop a blood substitute that not only sustained a Vampire, but that tasted like the real thing and was cheap to produce. 
Plenty of different companies have created their own brands, many of which you can still find on the shelves today. However, the two biggest players have been Synthe, which has been developing substitutes since 1985, and I Can't Believe It's Not Human, which came crashing into the scene in 1996, not only with replicative flavors, but innovative new concoctions such as What's Up White Blood Cells and Insanely Immunocompromised (since discontinued). 

          Since ICBINH's introduction, the company has been subject to many controversies, often getting caught using illegal ingredients for their human substitutes. Nevertheless, customers regularly returned to them, and they have consistently been neck-and-neck with their comparator Synthe, which has been steadily losing out in market sales. This is seemingly due to their lack of new flavors, although SyntheBucks cafes have proven very popular with younger Vampires. 
As innovative as these companies have gotten in their rivalry, however, neither has been able to attain the Holy Grail of Synthetic Blood: AB Negative. AB Neg is the rarest human blood type, and has a flavor that has thus far been non-replicable by scientists or mages. Many have tried, specifically Synthe and ICBINH in this case, mostly by creating mixtures Synthetic Base with safely diluted animal bloods. Of course, this almost always results in an awfully bitter flavor and ruffles the feathers of PETA protesters. 
Pure human AB Negative blood is not only a rare commodity, but is widely considered to be the most delectable blood type, so much so that Blood Donation centers and even some Thrall Halls are willing to pay large sums of money to human clients in that group. So, developing a synthetic substitute has been the finish line for these companies for a very long time, and both Synthe and ICBINH development firms have been at the forefront of the research.
Unfortunately, neither company has been able to fabricate the flavor in these nearly 25 years. However, if sources are to be believed, ICBINH may have finally beaten Synthe to the punch, and will reveal the new flavor during a press conference next Wednesday. While nothing is confirmed, we do have evidence of a new product patent of a redacted formula, filed for I Can't Believe It's Not Human.
We have yet to hear from CEO Mike Parker regarding the rumors, but should they be true, this would mean that the race to fabricate synthetic AB Neg will be over once and for all. Given ICBINHs history, it is unlikely that they will share the flavor recipe, but we do hope that competitor companies can catch up soon.